Why does natural happiness seem elusive as we get older?

Text: Vikas Malkani, founder of SoulCentre

Every morning marks a symbolic time for fresh starts. If we choose to, we can make it an opportunity to set goals, contemplate decisions, and renew commitments. Every morning is special because of the revitalized sense of hope and newness it brings. The past is gone; the future is not yet here. Only the present exists.

With the right awareness, it’s never too late to start living a happy and rich life. Most people believe that if they just had more money, possessions, time or wisdom, the things that make them unhappy would disappear and their lives would be better. The truth is that your life can be better without more of anything, right now in this moment.

It can be better today, but you need to make some decisions and take some actions. I believe each of us has the power to discover our purpose and become joyful in the process of journeying towards that purpose. It’s not easy, however. Nothing important and meaningful ever is. Here are five essential principles necessary for creating your happiness.

Principle 1: Connect With Your Truth
The hardest thing to do is to be honest with oneself. Asking yourself some key questions will lead you to some amazing discoveries, and possibly motivate you to do what it takes to create the life you envision for yourself. Write down the answers to the following questions in a new journal; be absolutely honest. What makes you happy at work? What makes you happy at home? What makes you happy with your friends and family? What makes you happy when you’re by yourself? What do you love to do? What would you do with your life today if you weren’t afraid of failure? What are you currently doing that prevents you from experiencing joy? What’s working in your life? What’s not working in your life? What relationships are working in your life? If we were getting together one year from today, what would have to happen for you to be able to say that you now have more joy in your life? You’ll find that by putting your answers down on paper, they’ll become clear more quickly and the actions you need to take more obvious and easiate.

Principle 2: Count Your Blessings
We all tell ourselves the story of what we lack, what others have that we don’t, what we missed, of the one that got away. You can’t move forward if you spend time focusing on what you should have, would have, could have done last year or in your last relationship. It’s over, and it’s time to move on.

The fastest way I know to do this is to write all of your regrets down on paper. Make a list of all your personal and financial feelings of lack and emptiness. For example, “I wish I had more money. I wish I had accepted the last job I was offered. If only I had saved more money. If only I hadn’t quit that job. If only I hadn’t taken the job I have”. You get the idea.

After reading the list aloud to yourself, get rid of it. Let it all go by literally burning the list (safely). Now you’re ready for a fresh start – a new beginning.

Begin every day by consciously counting your blessings and knowing the fact that you are in a better position than the majority of our world. Stay focused on your fullness, not your empty-ness. This one practice will turn your life around.

Principle 3: Stop Judging Yourself
Be nicer to yourself today. Yesterday is long gone and tomorrow is still a dream; today is all you have. Many people talk to themselves (usually silently) in a way they would never accept from a stranger, friend, or loved one. If this describes you, try stopping the negative conversations you have with yourself immediately. Become aware of your self-talk. For one week, simply commit to saying “stop it” when you think a negative thought about yourself, or even about anyone else, no matter how justified it may seem. If you’re in the habit of saying negative things to yourself, you’ll find this is one of the most difficult exercises you’ll ever do. Carry a notepad with you and make a mark each time you catch yourself thinking negatively. You’ll find that as the days go by, your negative thinking can quickly be reduced.

Principle 4: Pursue Fun With Passion
It’s good to have fun. It’s what children do naturally and adults would do well to learn from them. Being around children has taught me the simple power of pursuing fun – again and again. A simple game like hide and seek can keep a child happy and occupied productively for hours. The price of the game: nothing. The fun: priceless. And the laughs? Well, they can be endless.Why do we stop pursuing fun as we get older? Fun shouldn’t be squeezed into a few weeks of vacation each year, while the rest of our life continues to be drudgery. And it shouldn’t be squeezed into the last chapter of your life when you “get to” retire. Fun deserves to be a part of your life now – today, and forever. But fun doesn’t just happen. You have to make it a priority in your life or it’ll go missing. Life’s too short to not have it. In my perspective, happiness and fun are the reasons for living, not the symptom of it.

Principle 5: Stop Judging Others
It’s hard to be joyful when you’re always judging others as it creates a huge amount of stress in our lives affecting our marriages and relationships. We’re not here to judge one another. The next time you are upset with someone or a situation, catch yourself and ask: “Am I judging?” Judging others is often an unconscious habit. But it’s a habit that can be changed the moment you decide to stop doing it.

In my book The Little Manual of Happiness, I write “Happiness is now, or never!” Well, you can be happy now, as you read this article, or you can wait. What I have found is that when you choose to wait, you usually end up waiting forever.